Why can't I ever find someone to gag me? Santa Monica, Canada - After announcing over a megabyte of data had been hacked from Crunchyroll's servers, subscribers to the weeb television site announced substantial fears that their personal fetishes were going to be released to the public. "Like I give a shit if my credit card number gets stolen," said one proud weeb on social media, "Just for the love of god don't let my friends know of my love of futas!!!" Similar concerns echo

Japan's weeb army ain't goin' to Iran... yet

May MILFs rule over us all! Orlando, Japan - Among heavy backlash from the gaming community, Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang attempted to sway gamers weary of the new DLSS5 technology by promising them that their ultimate dream could turn into a reality. "My fellow gamers, don't you see that you could have the big tittied goth anime girlfriend of your dreams thanks to this tech? We'll bring your waifu to laifu," shouted Huang at a recent press conference. "A not only that, but with D

Peace... Peace never changes After just three weeks of relaxation and comfort, Albedo has resigned from her post under overlord Ainz Ooal Gown. "This isn't what I signed up for at all," stammered Albedo to reporters and denizens alike. "He promised war, war, and war for us all, but now he seems determined to be a pacifist and just relax a bunch." Ainz had gained famed and successfully recruited many of his minions under promises of never ending violence, despair for his enemi

Steven Pearl makes a mean chili, but not quite as mean as his father After failing to qualify for the finals of Auburn's faculty chili cookoff, Steven Pearl, head of Auburn's basketball squad, turned the heat off the stove and watched the last of the bubbles pop in his spicy chili dish. Bruce Pearl, meanwhile approached the judges booth filled with expletives. "My son won seventeen basketball games and has been cooking chili under my guidance for over a decade, motherfuckers,

A heaping pile of trash

My gaming computer is hotter than my waifu! As the bombing of Iran has sent gas prices soaring higher than the customers at the local weed dispensary, gamers have found a way to help reduce the impact of heating their homes with gas. "Unlike those woke normies , we can heat our homes using our gaming computers," claimed X user PleaseCuckMe, among many other self-proclaimed gamers. "When I turn up the graphic settings to maximum and start playing some games I don't even need t

Disney Princesses > Cafe Maids

No, he did not ascend from a sex dungeon. Just a regular, vanilla dungeon. Baton Rouge, Okinawa – After an intense day of playing Zenless Zone Zero, gamer Corrin Smithington struggled to catch his breath after trudging up his parent’s basement stairs. Smithington could be seen sweating profusely and breathing heavily upon finally reaching the tippy top of the stairway. “Gaming is important to me. Even more important than maintaining my health (not that I have any health probl

Any comparisons between her excellency and the Cart Titan will not be tolerated! Tokyo, Japan – Seeking both new tax revenues and to "preserve Japanese culture,"Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi announced earlier today plans to start taxing all foreigners, including those not currently visiting or living in Japan. “The tax proposals laid out previously should do a great job at suffocating tourism and harming residents living here in Japan,” claimed Takaichi to a room of

For good reason, there isn't an official anime March Madness bracket. But what if there was?

Not only are the frames low, but so is the pixel count! Seoul, Japan - The long-awaited silence was broken yesterday online as J.C Staff animation company’s social media confirmed growing rumors that the latest season of the formerly hit anime series One Punch Man’s latest season reduced the animation in order to make the show more authentic to the manga. “It was such an honour to get to work on such a legendary series,” stated the J.C. Staff X account. “We wanted to respect

Who doesn't love watching two grown men hucking pencils at a board? After a tumultuous two weeks, professional darts players from around the globe took a toast celebrating what they expect to be a turn around in their fortunes. "Yeah, I think it's obvious to everyone here that darts was about to be the next big thing until the Olympics showed up," said accountant and part-time professional darts player Leeroy Kamakura. "Now that those lame games are done the world will surely

ABC is regretting not getting the rights to "Dancing With the Star Wars" Naboo, Chommell Sector – Leaked images from the set of the next Star Wars production suggest that the movie may end up containing more dancing and singing than droids or sith lords. Reddit user u/StiffNoodle posted several screenshots and a video claiming to be from Disney’s set of Star Wars Episode 10 showing what appears to be two characters engaged in some sort of fight. “The two people looked like th

I showed you my dick please respond (by not censoring my porn) Saitama, India - Citing a desire to better protect minors, pornography website Pornhub declared that it was stepping up its user safety agreements, including a requirement that all male visitors submit a photo of their penis in over to view the website's content. "We need to make sure our children are protected from these videos," said a Pornhub representative,"and also many of our employees just love staring at a

Do my mother-in-law next In an attempt to keep up with the times, news organization The Washington Post announced today that it would be updating its slogan to "Democracy Dead." The announcement came on the heels of cutting approximately two hundred journalists and the company's entire janitorial staff. "We just can't afford to keep the carpets or toilets clean in these tough economic times," said a Post representative. "Oh, yeah, and traditional journalism is gonezo, too." R

Recently we made a post detailing how Crunchyroll is on the verge of collapse. In that article we noted that we conducted an interview with an individual, Bill, who seemed open to the thought that Crunchyroll is about to go bankrupt. Below is the full transcript of that interview: Q: Just for general recordkeeping, could you confirm your name for me? A: Sure, It's Bill. But please leave it anonymous when you put the interview online. Of course, Bill. We won't let anyone know

Tomorrow's the day Crunchyroll goes bottoms-up.

Big Bird looks innocent enough at first glance, but the bird clearly represents a tarred and feathered billionaire when you think about it. Chicago, Kyuushu – Calls to ban Sesame Street and arrest their creators have been exploding on social media over the past several days following reports that Sesame Street was teaching children how to perform math. Following Florida Govenor Ron DeSantis’ claims that math was woke, individuals online have been looking for other sources tha

Staring longingly into Shadow's eyes may make the world cold, but it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside! Green Hill Zone, Wisconsin – Winter has been confirmed to last through mid March this year after forecast extraordinaire Jimmy the Groundhog saw Shadow earlier this week. Jimmy was reported to emerge from his lair early in the morning looking clovers to eat and rings to collect, but after running through a loop and bouncing off a spring he ended up stumbling headfirst int

Make no mistake, capitalism is the greatest