"Democracy Dead" Officially New Washington Post Slogan

Do my mother-in-law next

In an attempt to keep up with the times, news organization The Washington Post announced today that it would be updating its slogan to "Democracy Dead." The announcement came on the heels of cutting approximately two hundred journalists and company's the entire janitorial staff. "We just can't afford to keep the carpets or toilets clean in these tough economic times," said a Post representative. "Oh, yeah, and traditional journalism is gonezo, too." Responses to the new slogan were mixed, with some individuals criticizing the decision as just more "doomerism" while others supported the firm's, including one man who on social media said, "It's honestly a refreshing change compared to the lies capitalist firms usually spew out." The Washington Post clarified shortly after that the fired journalists would be replaced with Twitch and Youtube streamers instead. In an attempt to lure in younger viewers, WaPo promised that "at least a third of our new streamers will be banned within a year from the platforms for either supporting genocide or for attempting to normalize pineapples on pizza."