Bruce Pearl Furious After Son Fails to Qualify for Auburn's Chili Cookoff

Steven Pearl makes a mean chili, but not quite as mean as his father

After failing to qualify for the finals of Auburn's faculty chili cookoff, Steven Pearl, head of Auburn's basketball squad, turned the heat off the stove and watched the last of the bubbles pop in his spicy chili dish. Bruce Pearl, meanwhile approached the judges booth filled with expletives. "My son won seventeen basketball games and has been cooking chili under my guidance for over a decade, motherfuckers," screamed Steven's father at the judges table. "How dare you choose [Auburn President] Chistopher Robert's bland-ass white chicken chili with jalapenos and avocado slices instead. Steven was making spicier chilis when he was ten damnit! Ten!" The judges panel had stated that while Steven did commit to taking on one of the most challenging chili recipes among all faculty, he ultimately didn't qualify as Steven lost sixteen of the ingredients while preparing the heated dish. "Yeah, I must have misplaced a bag of groceries or somethin'," said Steven when asked about the large number of lost ingredients. The judges were able to calm Bruce by noting that while Steven was going to miss out on the big chili tournament, Steven would have a shot at winning the sales competition at the next round of Auburn Girl Scout cookie sales.