Opinion: Pirates Will Make Crunchyroll Go Broke After Price Hike

Crunchryoll is going to need to add a tear to their logo after the pirates are through with 'em!

Flower Mound, Texas – Last week Crunchyroll announced that it would be increasing the pricing of all of its membership tiers by $2/month starting in March. While the woke mob has largely shrugged off the hike as nothing significant, they seem to be underestimating the damage Crunchyroll is about to inflict upon itself. As someone who exclusively pirates anime, I can assure you that my fellow pirates and I will begin using Crunchyroll less than ever before.  

It may seem like a stretch to suggest that a $2 price increase will cause all 17,000,000+ current subscribers to jump ship, but rumblings online appear to make such a collapse all but guaranteed before month’s end. “This just proves that Crunchyroll is an extremely greedy corporation that must be stopped at all costs,” said X user BasementDweller4Lyfe. “Unlike Japanese anime studios, who force their animators to work insane hours and pay them poverty wages and keep all the profits for themselves. I vow to keep pirating anime as I always do!” Others have pointed out, to which I agree, that Crunchyroll’s tiny, tiny catalogue of over 1000 shows is so small that it is ridiculous that Crunchyroll has any subscribers to lose. 

We're with BasementDweller, here. Time to pirate twice as hard!

We went to a local university to ask the woke students to try and rationalize and justify how Crunchyroll could keep on going with its insanely steep price hikes. Most students attempted to dodge the questions with retorts such as “What’s a Crunchyroll?,” “Sorry, I’m last for class,” and “Get out of my dorm room now or I’m calling the cops!” Eventually we did find one student (who wished to remain anonymous) willing to discuss the Crunchy Catastrophe with us. The following is a small excerpt of that discussion: 

So how can anyone afford Crunchyroll now that the prices are going up two whole dollars each month? 

Bill (Student): That’s like, what, the cost of a loaf of bread? I think I can manage. 

So you’re saying that you’re willing to forgo eating even basic foods to support the evil and disgusting Crunchyroll? 

No, it’s just not a lot of money even by the standards of a broke college student like myself. 

Have you considered that you’re really being ripped off and just don’t realize it because you’ve been indoctrinated to support self-destructive SJW cuck DEI communism? 

The SJW cuck DE-what? I’m sorry, but I only know English. Can you repeat the question in English? 

[The full interview can be found here]

The responses we got from speaking to students makes it clear that they all know Crunchyroll is on its last knees. While Crunchyroll’s price hikes in 2017, 2019, and 2024 all led to higher revenues and more subscribers, it seems undeniable at this point that Crunchyroll is about to go belly up with this last price increase. We here at AnimeFreedom excitedly await that moment!