"Don’t Worry, We’ll Keep Our Animators Poor," Says MAPPA

Will this partnership bring anime to the masses, or is it another sign of Japan's imminent destruction at the hands of "The West"?

St. Paul, Fukuoka – Adding another page to its long list of partnerships, Netflix has recently announced a partnership with Japanese animation studio MAPPA in which the two companies will co-produce several anime projects. “We’re excited to team up with MAPPA in creating some exciting new animes [sic], many of which will be based on the comics Japanese children love to read everyday,” stated a Netflix representative. “Together we’re going to be doing things never seen before in anime, such as having a story take place in a fantasy RPG game!” The partnership has occurred as several smaller animation studios have been forced to shutter their doors due to issues surrounding staffing, brutally tight scheduling deadlines, and, according to anonymous industry executives, “attempting to market anime solely towards basement dwelling hikikomori.”

As recently as 1992 only 94% of staff used to be white males, but then Japan epically banned women and minorities from making anime in 1993.

While met with indifference by Japanese individuals, western social media accounts blew up in anguish over the announced partnership. “Japan is Dooooooomed!!!!,” said one X (formerly Twitter) user as #GoodbyeJapan trended on the website. Concerns of deal seemed to focus on unfounded allegations that the partnership would result in MAPPA being forced to hire women or gay individuals. “Anime productions have always been 100% made up of straight, white males, and Netflix is going to ruin that!” yelled X user GrumpyFrumpyPants. “I don’t want any womanz [sic] involved in my anime! This partnership is a dangerous woke attack on every man on the planet!!!!!!!” 

The home of MAPPA that will now be under siege by a deluge of communism and cuckery, or something.

MAPPA, seemingly aware of the brewing controversy, confirmed that they would not allow Netflix to have too much influence on the animating process. “To our American fans we say this: Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to keep our animators poor,” said MAPPA’s president Manabu Otsuka. “No unionizing, underpaid as hell, and overworked to boot. I can assure you our animation staff will remain stuck in hellish conditions.” The comments did seem to stem the tide of anger online, as multiple notable X accounts changed tune and backed the decision. As prominent X user Necks4Beards stated, “Look, the idea of MAPPA hiring a non-white male is scary, but the promise to keep their workers poor is strong evidence that MAPPA is going to keep Japanese values intact.”