USS Lincoln Crew Forced to Watch Haruhi Suzumiya Endless Eight Arc on Repeat

May God have mercy on their souls (Source)

Arabian Sea, Japan - Stating a desire to ensure his troops had the mental toughness to break the Geneva Convention on command, military commander Pete Hegseth confirmed earlier today that the crew of the maligned USS Abraham Lincoln have been required to spend their down time watching The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya's infamous "Endless Eight Arc" every day for the past four months. "With a daily training schedule involving weight lifting, testosterone injections, and watching the SOS Brigade enjoy their care-free summer for eight episodes every single day, we'll be prepared to blast those darn Iraqis or Uraniums or whomever sky high at a moments notice," stated the commander in between taking his sixth and seventh swig of whiskey. "The mental torment from seeing effectively the same episode hundreds of times straight has prepared the soldiers mentally to commit any atrocity we may require of them. The announcement comes after increasing criticism of the military's decision to keep the USS Lincoln on the water for over 250 days with nothing but tic tac toe, checkers, and generic isekai animes to keep the crew busy while on standby to engage in the Strait of Hormuz.

Concerns from families members of the crew have become harder to ignore in the past weeks as reports of crewman losing their sanity have become more common due to being trapped at sea and forced to watch Haruhi and the Brigade engage in the exact same shenanigans hundreds of times in a row. Crew members have been spotted in July and August performing the shows ending theme, the Hare Hare Yukai, which experts have described as a clear sign of severe mental trauma. Psychologists have suggested that watching the Endless Eight arc each day would result in stress levels similar to that of a Gamer having to play as a gay character in a video game, and that the crew would need to "spend time with loved ones, enjoy some alone time with their hobbies, or at least watch an anime that gave a damn about its audience" in order to try and recover mentally.

Before being dragged off stage due to concerns of having a stroke, Trump stated on the matter, "I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own great adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own wonderful adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own excellent adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own superb adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own terrific adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own amazing adventure if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own fantastic episode if you ask me. I don't see what the bigly deal is about watching Endless Eight on repeat. Each episode is it's own fabulous episode if you ask me."