Grummz Fails to Secure Shark Tank Deal

Pictured: Grummz moments before groping a girl as part of his pitch for his patent-pending "Breastmilk-O-Matic"

St. Louis, Japan - In what has been dubbed "one of the shortest pitches" ever, famed grifter and self-proclaimed smart guy "Grummz" failed to obtain a deal in ABC's Shark Tank after his Breastmilk-O-Matic failed to impress the sharks. "I like the device and the idea of stealing women's breast milk," stated Canadian shark Kevin O'Leary, "but I just don't see why it needs to exist. Just take it by force like I do." Kevin passed on the deal shortly thereafter, followed by Rob Herjavec who stated the device seemed interesting enough, but that he simply couldn't trust a guy who doesn't shower as a business partner.

Grummz's gadget, the Breastmilk-O-Matic, was designed to "stealthily allow one to take the milk of women without them noticing," claimed Grummz. "And it does so without their consent. I want to be clear on that - it's most important feature is that the women do not have to consent." Grummz went on to state that the idea came to him while working a previous job with Blizzard Entertainment, when his illicit supply would frequently run dry in the office.

The Breastmilk-O-Matic. Hold 6 gallons of milk, or the equivalent of two ghosts

The pitch was actually Grummz's second appearance on Shark Tank. In season 7 he was laughed out of the tank for trying to sell a video game titled Em-8er after it was revealed he wanted $5 billion dollars for a 2% equity stake in the company.

"I don't understand why they still allow women to be sharks," complained Grummz on X (formerly Twitter). "They should be in the kitchen making me some milk. If they weren't there the product would have sold for millions." Indeed, the female sharks Lori Greiner and Barbara Corcoran clearly gave each other a stare and smirk before leaving to take phonecalls after Grummz initially introduced himself as "a true alpha male who won't take any communism DEI cuckery from anybody."