World Cup Teams Remain Determined to let Their Fans Down Yet Again
- Pine O’Kyo
- 7 minutes ago
- 2 min read
Houston, Canada - Among cheers and jubilation that followed a route of Curacao, the German squad announced it's plan to exit the World Cup early yet again. "This dominating victory changes absolutely nothing," claimed German star forward Kai Havertz. "We're going to find a way to get ourselves knocked out in the group stage yet again. Count on it!" The bold statement came after a 7-1 dismantling of Curacao in which the German squad seemingly forgot that shooting the ball at the opposing team's net tends to help one advance further into the tournament.
The 7-1 German victory also served as a stark reminder to Brazil and their ability to make their own fans shamefully cry, as Brazil famously lost by the same score to Germany in the World Cup semi-finals back in 2014. "Our fans still feel the scars from that brutal beat down," stated Brazilian head coach Carlo Ancelotti to the press after a 1-1 draw to Morocco. "If we're lucky we can give the fans back home some new nightmares to cry about before this tournament ends."
Not to be forgotten, England noted it's own intentions to keep the FIFA World Cup trophy at bay. "We haven't won in over fifty years and we have no intention of ending that streak now," said the squad's O'Reilly, voted as most likely to choke in penalty kicks. "I think our fans need to get themselves some tea, crumpets, and lots of tissues to cry into if they plan to watch us play."
One of the host countries, the United States of America, seems poised to sadden their fan base as well after a 4-1 romp of Paraguay in their opening match. "The Knicks would've swept [the NBA finals] if [Trump] didn't show up," said X (formerly Twitter) user TickleMy(Foot)Balls. "When the bum shows up at a World Cup game we're guaranteed to play like shit!"