Gamers Fall Into Depression Over Alleged Pragmata Censorship

Don't let the mainstream media deceive you - this is Gamer genocide. Capital G Gamer genocide!

Millions of Gamers the world over have been reported falling to their unkempt knees as shimmering drops of salty tears upon learning that no camera angles exist in game to view the underwear of Pragmata's female child, Diana. "If I can't stare a child's panties then I am being mercilessly oppressed," alleged self-proclaimed hardcore gamer I<3HavingAPornAddiction on X (formerly Twitter). "The inability to masturbate to images of children is an attack on my freedom and an assault on humanity itself that us real Gamers are sick of suffering from!"

The pushback comes in the immediate days after Capcom's new highly touted game, Pragmata, hit physical store shelves and online distribution sites like Steam, Epic Games, and Brazzers. The game received extensive amounts of hype and coverage leading up to its release based on it's visual flare, story-driven narrative, and according to Gamers, the hope that they could molest children.

While most of the concerns and complaints regarding the lack of prepubescent panties was stuck in the realms of social media, some leakage into the real has been recorded taking place. Real Gamer Carl Nakamura took his class hostage demanding the ability to view Diana's undergarments allegedly stating to police, "We need to see the underwear of little girls! It's a fictional girl for crying out loud! Why don't you understand that fiction has no bearing on reality!" After four hours of incoherent ramblings about wokeness, communism, and alpha males, he finally came out to police with a hostage crying out, "Nothing I've ever done or ever will do has ever been influenced by a video game before!" Police were finally able to bring Nakamura in to custody with bail currently posted at $25. Nakamura has been unable to post bail himself, and no family or friends have yet to come forth to assist him.