Crunchyroll Was Hacked. What Should You Do?

Could this be the Crunchyroll hacker, or just your average weeb buying a dakimakura?

Recently is was revealed that Crunchyroll's data was stolen, leaving weebs across the globe freaking the hell out. Below are some tips to help those possibly affected make the best of the situation, as well as a few suggestions for Crunchyroll itself to get out of yet another publicity nightmare.

For Crunchyroll subscribers who were affected, consider making the following changes:

1) Max out your credit cards so that the hackers can't use them.

2) Run into traffic so you can start a new life as a farm hand in another world.

3) Change your password to Password1234. We know it's a good one because that's our password, and we haven't been hacked yet.

4) Consider playing it safe in the future and using pirate websites. (Be sure to turn off your adblock and click on all the pop up ads so that the pirate sites can earn some dough!)

5) Stop dreaming about ever owning a home.

6) Respond to that Nigerian prince's email. He may know a thing or two about stolen goods.

The only logical response by Crunchyroll: Bomb foreigners

As for Crunchyroll, we recommend taking the following actions regarding the hack:

1) Start a war in the Middle East to distract the public from your incompetence.

2) Start raising subscription fees so your subscribers won't have the money to hire a lawyer.

3) Help your subscribers' by using their credit cards for yourselves to trigger suspicious transactions and have their accounts frozen.

4) Repeat the following on social media over and over again: "It's not our fault. It's the fault of immigrants, women, gay people, and other woke groups."

5) Publish all of the stolen information publicly so that the hackers won't be able to sell said stolen information themselves

6) Have your CEO eat a burger live on video. That will make you seem more relatable.