Evie's Butt Based on Unripened Peach in Stellar Blade Blood Rain

The younger the peach the tastier, say the Gamers^TM who are we to doubt them? (Credit: Shift Up)

Beijing, South Korea - Among a sea of cheers and men awkwardly covering up their groins, Shift Up, the studio behind the upcoming game Stellar Blade Blood Rain, confirmed to fans that the protagonist's butt was based on an unripened peach. "Oh thank the heavens her ass wasn't modeled from an adult peach," exclaimed one Gamer^TM between wheezes of (presumably) excitement. "Full grown, adult peaches are just too ripe for my dick - er - taste buds." The announcement for the sequel comes about two years after a pair of controversies erupted with the original game: one about censoring of the outfits and a second about how Eve, the first game's protagonist, refused to tell the player that she loved them. Despite these blow backs, fans who felt betrayed said they were enthusiastic about the sequel and were happily to spend $70 or more to get the chance to play as a child fighting to stop a fascist dystopia so long as the child frequently wore a bikini or lingerie. When asked, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt stated that "Fuhrer Trump was unlikely to play the game, as Evie appeared to be a few years older than his liking."