Cuddles Furever to Stop Offering Real Pets For Adoption in 2028

Real cats can't use Razor Leaf (Source)

Minneapolis, North Dakota - Under purressure furrom new purrivate equity investors and suffuring weekly drive by shootings from PETA, local pet adoption center Cuddles Furever confurmed earlier today that they would be moving to only allowing virtual pets up fur adoption beginning in 2028. "It was an easy decision to make given rising costs, a need for new revenues, and the fact that our staff are sick of cleaning up hair balls from the obnoxious felines," stated CEO Bob McGuffin after kicking some dogs out of the way to reach the podium. "According to my notecard here, we are pawsitive that pet owners will be estastic about the ability to only adopt virtual animals going forward. That's pawsitive with a p-a-w if it wasn't clear." The decision wasn't made lightly according to the CEO, noting that the new plan only became clear after having to take his dog outside to pee during a 2am thunderstorm for the third time in a week. Kroger, America's largest grocery chain, also confirmed recently that it was looking to move its sales of produce and grains to virtual only as well, but would not be able to do so due to inflationary factors and the need for more of their clients to virtually download their brains to make the transition economically viable.