Should You Push the Red or Blue Button?
Updated: Jun 3
Much ado has been made on the internet recently about pushing a red button (which will kill blue button choosers if over 50% hit red) and a blue button (which saves everyone if over 50% choose blue). Many have suggested the answer is obvious and those choosing the other color are extremely dumb or greedy (we suspect both), but the reality is it is much more complex. Below we provide some pros and cons to choosing either the blue button or red button to help you decide which ideological bubble you want to wage internet war for.
Red Button
Pro: You've been living by yourself for the past decade, so things won't change much if a large chunk of the world just died
Con: Morticians overwhelmingly chose blue, so you'll have to clean up the corpses if you don't want everything to smell like rotting flesh
Pro: Rumor has it that nasty cashier at Walmart chose the blue button...
Con: ...but rumor also has it that big titty goth lady you've been wanting to hook up with for the past year also chose blue
Pro: Shorter lines for the restrooms at sports stadiums
Con: A large, sudden loss of life across the globe in the areas such as agriculture, government, transportation, and medicine could create havoc as the global order falls apart leading massive short falls in basic food and services, and local gangs roaming the streets looking for skulls to bash in (like yours)
Blue Button
Pro: The sweet release of death means you don't have to finish that work presentation for your asshole boss
Con: Your final moments will be of your red button family members celebrating your demise and bickering over who gets your estate
Pro: If you survive you can use your moral superiority to climb the political ranks and then use your power to enrich yourself and oppress the weak
Con: Saving everyone means saving Jeff, too. Fuck you, Jeff!
Pro: Live or die, you know you're going to heaven as God sees you put the lives of the world ahead of yourself
Con: But what if God doesn't exist?
