Saber Missing Since No Kings Protest

How about you check out Fuyuki Church while I look for her at Ogden's Tobacco?

Investigators began searching earlier this morning for the third consecutive day as Artoria Pendragon aka Saber aka King of Knights aka Prime Fap Material remained missing. Saber's disappearance was first reported by her fellow classmate, Shirou Emiya, shortly after streets across the United States were filled with protests declaring that they would not be ruled by a king. "Eh, to be frank we're not too concerned," stated the case's lead investigator to reporters on the matter. "Girls go missing and then come back all the time. Take that Sakura Matou girl, for example. She went missing a few years back, but when she finally turned up she looked as precious as ever if you ignore those few worms that were squirming about in her hair."

Maybe Saber left because she didn't want to be associated with this dork, "Master" Shirou Emiya

This was the third No Kings protest held in the last year against a clear erosion of rights and norms in America under President Trump, many of whom believe he wishes to be a king. Common demands made by those protesting included universal healthcare, funding for education, and a stop to any more Holy Grail Wars in the Middle East. "We're sick and tired of innocent people dying because an orange pedophile wants oil and some teenagers want a magical cup," stated one protestor in New Orleans. "If I had that Grail I'm not sure if I'd wish to eliminate corruption in the government or to have that dumb, British broad drive herself off a cliff on her pompous little motorcycle," stated another in Massachusetts.

Pictured: Protestors in Miami demanding healthcare, a respect for science, and the departure of sword-wielding brats who are willing to risks the lives of real humans today to fix the their own failures that occurred in a one-thousand-year-old make believe story.

Opinions on Saber's disappearance have been more mixed by those more "in the know" about Holy Grail Wars. "I wish for her to return, yes, but her name isn't 'Saber,' it's Jeanne," proclaimed Gilles de Rais, a self-proclaimed 'Caster.' "I am prepared to search across the globe and commit any atrocity necessary to find my beloved Jeanne." Others were much more pleased to hear of her public withdrawal, and did not wish for her to return unless it would allow them a chance to eliminate the alluring sword master. "I have never been able forgive myself for murdering Gareth and Gaheris, and it's all because Saber forgave me so easily!," cried a tormented Lancelot. "She deserves death for possessing the sin of forgiveness!"

Combining a protest sign with a weapon is a business idea could make you bank on Shark Tank

Investigators refuse to rule out Shirou Emiya as being directly involved in Saber's disappearance, and he was reported as being brought in by the investigation team earlier today for a more in depth interrogation. Suspicions arose when Shirou referred to himself as "Saber's master" and that she was "his servant," leading many to believe that the two were involved in some sort of kinky relationship. Some have suspected that Shirou may have killed Saber in a crime of passion, perhaps jealous of Saber's potentially romantic relationship with Rin Tohsaka beginning to bud. Rin herself was recently arrested for, according to court records, her illegally thick thighs.