Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time Remake Confirmed for Every Nintendo Console Ever

Our reaction to the new OoT annoucement (Image Source)

Hyrule Castle, Hokkaido - Citing a desire to make effortlessly take money from the Gamers^TM, Nintendo announced its intent to release a remake of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on every single Nintendo console ever produced and ever made in the future. "We want people to pay us big money to play this classic that cost us almost nothing to make," said current Nintendo CEO Shuntaro Furukawa on Bluesky just after the announcement. "Even on the shitty ass Virtua Boi [sic] and embarrassing Wii U console. The move comes as Nintendo has confirmed it's desire to stop trying to produce new games due to what they claimed was "an unusual mentality in much of the gaming community to simply repurchase the same game over and over and over." The official Nintendo X account later confirmed that the new version of Ocarina of Time would be filled new features no one wanted, a $90 Majora's Mask DLC, and a guarantee that anyone wishing to play the Switch 2 version would be disappointed as no one would be able to play with the original controls, graphics, or bugs that individuals may wish to experience.