Babymetal Not Made Up of Babies

Allegedly these individuals are not babies. If they aren't, then it's okay to hit on them, right?

Hokkaido, Utah – Leaked personal documents have revealed that no current members of Japan’s famous metal group, Babymetal, are actually babies. Ticket prices for the band have plummeted in the hours since it was revealed that every member of the band is at least five years old, with some member being rumored to be over ten years old. The remainder of the band’s tour through North America has been suspended and lawsuits are being threatened by both the Canadian and American governments of deceptive advertising. “I bought the tickets hoping to watch babies scream and play the drums, not children or adults,” stated a now self-declared former fan. When asked to comment on the unexpected revelations, the group’s manager merely yelled out, “Baka gaijin” before storming away.  It is worth noting that the documents did confirm that at least one member of the band, Momoko Okazaki, was a baby in prior years.